Reflections on Work + Legacy

The Merriam Webster Dictionary’s second definition of work is: to perform or carry through a task requiring sustained effort. I think of work as also including a contribution to personal or social growth. Colloquially, I think many people consider work what they do to make money, devaluing their time and contributions in other ways. In recent years, I’ve considered my work as the ways I spend my time that contribute to society. For about two decades, my work was primarily as a teacher. At the end of my teaching career, David and I had 3 children of our own. Since I left teaching, I’ve considered my work through a variety of lenses, including, but not limited to: raising kids, owning a small business, and providing End of Life care through a local chapter of hospice, namely HopeHealth. I continue to hold all aspects of my work life near and dear. They are all reflections of my values and the life I want to live. I enjoy work in a variety of forms, and I’m grateful for the flexibility to have some of this work be revenue generating and all of it a source of joy (and to be fair, also a place in which I periodically struggle.)

When I’m making items for my small business, I often listen to podcasts. Within the last week, I’ve heard two podcasts refer to the concept of leaving a legacy as a negative concept or, at minimum, diminishing the idea of legacy. Those who were speaking had no desire to leave a legacy. When they’re dead, the sentiment was, that should be it. They’re gone and their work is over. The reality is, these people won’t be gone in the minds of society. Their ideas will linger because they are famous, or at least relatively so, with books and podcasts, and a following of people that is larger than most of us. They have privileges many of us don’t have (this coming from a person who is, I recognize, pretty privileged myself.) As a result, I think they view things quite differently. Hearing this lack of recognizing personal privilege hit a nerve for me. Mostly likely informed by the times we are in, where speaking voice to power is becoming increasingly challenging, I decided I would write a letter to each of these people. I explained my perception of their interpretation of the word legacy, my interpretation of this word, their sense of privilege in dismissing this word, and my sense of awe and love in what this word represents. It was a worthwhile reflection for me. It may or may not hit home for you; however, you will have someone in your life you know and love who will die. How you show up or what you do can make a difference to that person’s final chapter and to your life moving forward. They may tell you about things they want to do or leave behind in the wake of their death. I think hearing an alternate understanding of legacy might help you with those you love. Perhaps it will color these final days with a little extra love ;) 

So to that end, here is my letter…I’d love to hear from you if you have thoughts after reading it. You can send me an email through my website.

I was listening to your interview today and it is the second podcast I've heard recently that referred negatively* to the idea of legacy. As an active hospice volunteer who has trained as an End of Life doula and someone who has volunteered at oncology and grief camps with children for decades, I'd like to offer a perspective on legacy that might be slightly different than what I've heard recently.

I think that people in the podcast world have a broader audience and therefore more power than many of us who live a more common life (for the lack of a better way of phrasing that.) Many of you have written books or have your voice heard (and recorded) by an audience that has a wide reaching influence on our larger culture. The understanding of legacy from this more famous or well known group of people, as I've heard it, is that legacy is something big that is looked down upon as unnecessary. It is a way for society to remember someone after they die, which this group of people does not deem important. This makes sense, as the reality is your voice and ideas will be around in culture far longer than the average person and therefore you’ve already imparted your legacy through the lens you view this concept.

On the other hand, I think of legacy quite differently. The patients I work with at hospice who have a desire for legacy work are often creating or expressing a sense of deep love and care (or perhaps simply reflection) to those who have had a significant impact on their lives. This ‘leaving an expression of love’ is part of end of life work. Some of the legacy work I've done with patients includes: interviews based on Dignity Therapy (super powerful for anyone in hospice care or otherwise), sewn quilts for people to leave for loved ones because their hands no longer function, written letters to family members because patients want to share moments of remembrance that were impactful or make amends and they either can’t or don’t want to do this alone, written booklets based on the most impactful moments of their lives, recorded Ethical Wills for individuals in the Jewish faith, and other visual and verbal expressions that let individuals leave their mark—NOT on society, but on the heart of their person, their family, or a small group of loved ones. In the field of death and dying, this is legacy. Legacy work holds the reflections and values of a life that are then intentionally expressed to people who truly care about the dying individual. Legacy is the mark they leave to show or say they loved a core group of people, even, or perhaps especially, if they have shared challenging times with that person that need reconciling. They don’t care about impacting a large group; they do care about expressing love to their people. There is often a lot of gratitude and awe for life, sometimes regret, and always a need to say they loved someone and that love matters above all else. I’ve come to see legacy as the last expression of love someone leaves in this world. Not all need this process, but for those who do wish to express it, their legacy is powerful and gorgeous to witness. I have seen legacy works have the power to alter lives in the aftermath of death and to lift people up in moments of grief and mourning.

Perhaps this is a semantic issue. This entire letter may be that there is one word that people are using to mean different things. Culturally, many have come to recognize legacy as having a name on a building or room as a way of expressing value about a particular concept or institution, or some other visible mark one leaves behind after their death. Then there are those of us working with people at the end of their lives who are considering legacy through a very different lens- a final expression of love to those they care about most. With conversations around death becoming increasingly more common, I wanted to take a moment to offer my reflections if the issue is not just semantics, but more so a matter of perspective.

I think of you as someone who is highly thoughtful and particular with words and ideas. I thought I might share a slightly different perspective than I heard on your show. If it lands, great. If it doesn’t, I’d love to hear your thoughts otherwise. I appreciate your time and always appreciate your insights.

With pause and gratitude,

Erin

*I think unnecessary might have been a better word here. 

UPDATE: I already heard back from one of the people on one of the podcasts!!!